Historica Mutum Scholasticum: An Original Myth

Near the end of the period known as Circumspectus Studentii, the great overlord Prudenses enjoyed a long and fruitful reign, producing many offspring who greatly contributed to the good order and smooth operation of his earthly realm of Academia. Some of his progeny, however, were rebellious in nature and, because of the hardness of their hearts and the cunning of their iniquitous industry, desired to usurp the adjuratory supplications of the Pupillum of their father’s realm, thereby effectively securing – in future – absolute dominion over them ad infinitum, bringing all honor and glory unto themselves.

The titan Zuckerbarios was one such son. Since the period of his mother’s confinement, he plotted and schemed to develop ways by which he might overthrow Prudenses. By the time of his release from his ovarian incarceration, his devious machinations were fully formed in his mind and he immediately set to work spawning the minion which he foresaw would carry out his nefarious designs. Countenancia Memorandus he named it, harbinger of gaiety and bringer of sloth, whose very nature is deserving of the deepest opprobrium. The creature worked tirelessly doing the will of the dark lordling Zuckerbarios, but its efforts alone were insufficient to realize the will of its master to confound the work of the Academician priests of Prudenses, protectors of the secret flame, the Bloviatorum. The conspirator needed an accomplice.

Fate, as it would seem, provided him with just such a partner in the form of his bastard cousin, the ever petulant Twitterion, whose insouciant behavior knew no bounds. Through the assiduity of the combined efforts of the golem Countenancia Memorandus and Twitterion, the hearts of the impressionable Pupillum were secured for all eternity. They worshipped these new gods incessantly, providing love offerings and burnt offerings to them at all times, giving no thought to the waning patriarchal Prudenses and bringing about the effectual end of the age of Circumspectus Studentii, to the damnation of all in the realm.

-- Finis --

*Myth explains how Facebook and Twitter overcome prudence among the students of the academic world, distracting them from their studies and pissing off their professors.